If You’re Doubted, Keep Going
It’s almost one am and I can’t go back to sleep.
Last night I got in bed earlier than usual — around eight pm EST — so I could continue reading A Moveable Feast, technically Hemingway’s last work. It was published posthumously. I fell asleep while reading it.
I’m reading it for a couple of reasons. First, of course is that I love France and that’s where the book took place. And the other reason is that Hemingway’s situation reminds me of my own: a Europe-loving guy in his early twenties who’s trying to make a career in writing.
Writing is truly my favorite thing to do. I was texting my friend Philip last night and he joked that I write as much as he reads (he reads a lot). Writing is my passion. It’s my therapy.
And it’s what I’m doing right now, at one am, because I cannot sleep.
I can’t sleep because of emotional bullshit, quite frankly.
The past year was an intensely difficult one for me. From April 2019 to April 2020, I quit my job, worked on my business full time à la investors, lost my girlfriend, lost my business and those investors (and thus my full time salary, which I still don’t have), lost touch with once-loved people in my life, and am constantly doubted by family members among others for my untraditional career ambitions.
I must admit that despite these circumstances there are way worse situations in many — if not most people’s lives. After all world hunger still exists, much of the world still lives with diseases like Malaria and seemingly endless poverty, etc. I get it. You get it.
But I’m not talking about the world. I’m talking about myself.
You need to be selfish when dealing with your own bullshit and stop comparing yourself to others. Yes, we get it: most people (probably) have it worse than you and me, fellow educated reader. But we’re not most people, we’re ourselves. Individuals. Individuals who have their own situations to deal with. So don’t feel bad for dealing with it.
And it’s fucking hard. Especially with being home all the time, I’m always surrounded by people who are doubting me. It’s not that these certain…